I know it's been a long time since I visited this little piece of web space, and a lot has happened. If you haven't heard or seen, I'm back being single, which is a good thing, considering the break up was completely mutual. And while I've been away from school for a few months, life has never let up. I have never found myself so busy with a ministry before. Part-time? No thank you, I would rather be doing tons of stuff for God, which of course allows me to question, why go back to seminary? Still figuring that out.
But there were some really bad moments in the past few months. There are points in life where your life just sucks. This was me even just a week and a half ago. But in all honesty, I was in a rut for a while. Personal demons were showing up again, life was becoming bland, ministry was just a job. But God has been showing me my blessings, and that my life was still not about myself (even when I was thinking I was sacrificing so much). The culmination of change was seen in this past week during Mission Week, when I saw so much work being done for the Kingdom of God by the teens. It's in those moments where you feel proud as a youth minister, your calling is being fulfilled. And in seeing these moments, I found out I need to get my act together, I was humbled. I need to start denying myself a little more. I need to appreciate those who I already have. And I really felt that when you're given an applauding in the middle of worship. I was humbled (and I teared up). I feel like I've arrived, in a sense. More understanding my calling and life and more ambitious than I have ever felt for North Star. And so my energy is there...and so not there for school right now.
Am I forcing school? Am I being lazy in my lack of aspirations for a Masters? I'm unsure right now. But I know God is using me in great ways at North Star, and that is exciting and humbling.
